When she was younger, she had the aspiration to wait until marriage to have sex. So she slept with himβonly to find out later that he was cheating on her. When my wife, Amber, first interviewed Tricia, she was in a long-distance relationship with a man she hoped to marry. Sitting inside Starbucks, Tricia said that she wanted to move in with her boyfriend, an artist from New York City, but her parents were opposed and wanted her to finish her two-year degree in graphic design first.
However, sitting outside of Starbucks, her boyfriend, Brad, told me a different story. For over two years, they had talked every single day, and suddenly, nothing. So she decided to fly to New York City and challenge him to meet her at the airport, so that she could confront him face-to-face.
However, Brad refused to meet her at the airport. Tricia had no choice but to take the morning flight out and return to Ohio. Looking back, Tricia identifies several lessons, including moving a little more slowly in relationships: when she and Brad first were getting to know each other, she moved to New York City and lived with him for a month.
Most of the working-class young adults Amber and I interviewed for the Love and Marriage in Middle America Project have no problem with premarital sex. Moreover, almost everyone had had premarital sex, even if they believed at the time of our interviews that sex should happen within marriage.
But many people, like Tricia, also thought that relationships should develop at a slower pace, andβoften because of their experiencesβthought that sex should be a more intentional act than what they perceived the norm to be. Men also voiced these sentiments. Many agree that sex should happen within a loving relationship, but how do you discern if the relationship is one of mutual love? Even hook-ups can get muddled. But after their sex started slowing down, he bolted.
