Dating after the death of a loved one is a reaffirmation of how much they really meant to you. It says that you want to recreate what you had with them, and this is how you honor their memory.
It may help therapeutically to share those thoughts with them by writing in the Private Conversations part of AfterTalk. By writing about why you are dating, you may find relief from the sense that you are doing anything that minimizes the love you two once enjoyed. The love you feel for your deceased mate never goes away. Twenty years later you can be moved to tears by a forgotten photo you stumble upon.
The great thing about this life is that you can feel that love, and yet in the present, love another just as fully. This is how to be the perfect first date. My first wife, Vanessa, had many single friends. We would spend countless hours listening to them complaining about the men they met. It went like this; during the entire first date the men would talk about how accomplished they were in business, sports, and yes, sex.
The women would sit there and listen. At the end of dinner the men propositioned them. Internalizing all of this I decided to reveal as little about myself during a first date as possible. I subtly barraged them with questions about themselves. Some of my questions were deliberate; I always wanted to know how they related to their fathers, for example. I am convinced that women who have a strong relationship with their dads bond better with their husbands. I was careful to memorize the names and ages of their children, and use those names in the conversation.
Yes, I admit it, I even took notes, discreetly that is. It had worked out for both of us; the women felt someone had actually shown an interest in them as a person; I learned much of what I wanted to about them. You do need to make the time and put in the effort. I wanted a man who would be both a life partner and a father.
