Once upon a time, the dating pool was relatively shallow. You could date people you met at school or work, at a bar, in a social club, at church, or through friends. Sometimes, the more eager among us sought the services of a matchmaker or placed a personal ad in a local newspaper or magazine.
Then the mids came along, and we got the Internet and this crazy thing called AOL, which a whole lot of peopleβmyself includedβfound incredibly enticing. That said, the technology used by Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan as they fall for one another seems almost laughably antiquated.
These days, we have dating apps, which, when used properly, can be pretty amazing. I know several couples who met through an app, dated, fell in love, and are now happily married. You probably know a few such couples yourself. In fact, a recent class-action lawsuit alleges that dating apps are more about creating compulsive behaviors than facilitating the development of meaningful relationships.
As a therapist who has spent the past 30 years specializing in sex and relationship issues, the idea that people might get hooked on the allure of apps is hardly a surprise. After all, dating apps offer several very specific things that create a neurochemical pleasure response over and over again. First and foremost, there is the triple-A allure of accessibility, affordability, and anonymity. These factors have been a draw for internet-based sexuality and romance from day one.
From a getting-you-hooked perspective, however, the most important factors are not the trio mentioned above. Rather, they are fantasy, variety, and intermittent reward. Dating apps, much like the AOL approach of yesteryear, offer an endless supply of whatever fantasy you want. This is alluring because, in fantasies , everything is perfect. Dating apps offer this type of fantasy in abundance. The second factor that hooks dating app users is variety. Humans are hardwired to desire variety.
