So this time around, before I dipped my toe back in, I consulted dating coaches for their smartest strategies on swiping for women like me: the other side of 40 make that 50 , no time for nonsense, looking for hetero love in what I hope are all the right places Bumble, Hinge, Match…. I had questions—and some of their answers surprised me.
Duh, right? I thought I knew: a life partner who is kind, smart, funny, attractive. And then screening people intentionally against those. Because online dating can feel anything but intentional. Swiping mindlessly is easy; it feels like a game.
The first time I went on an app, I naively assumed that brilliant, creative, handsome men—or least ones with a command of grade-school grammar—would be the ones to like and message me. Leadingham advises adjusting your expectations, that about 10 percent of the pool will be people who might be right for any of us. But being intentional—adopting that screening mindset—is a game changer. It gives you more control; a good thing, given that online dating can feel maddeningly out of your control.
And, perhaps counterintuitively, it makes the early stages of the process less personal, less emotional. He lied about his age or job? Time to start recruiting. Here are the kinds of deeper qualities that might make your list of nonnegotiables: someone looking for a serious relationship who is emotionally available, monogamous, financially stable, family-oriented, ambitious, adventurous, open-minded, politically aligned with you, respectful of boundaries—to name a few and Leadingham suggests coming up with 10 to Another bit of pro advice: Skip the superficial, like height.
But before you just delete, take a look at their profile; if it has potential, you can reply and try to get a convo started. See tips on engaging below. A lot. They should be recent, particularly your primary shot, the one that pops up when people are swiping. No hats or sunglasses. In addition to a headshot, coaches generally advise posting a full-body shot yes, like it or not, people want to see you head-to-toe and a few others that show not just what you look like but who you are. Next up: your written profile.
