Depression sets relationship traps for both partners. The first several symptoms in this list describe these behaviors. On the passive side, the abuse is turned inward. Instead of denial and blaming everyone else for their pain, they focus on their own worthlessness, even to the point of thinking constantly of suicide as the only way out. Many of these relationship traps converge and become all the more damaging through their combined impact.
The experience could feel very different in your relationship. Flashes of anger come frequently. Irritability is a constant attitude, leading to criticism and annoyance at trivial things. For days at a time, depression can provoke this constant barrage of criticism.
When inner feelings are most confusing, depressed partners try to control home and family as closely as possible. They want everything to be predictable. Even the flow of spontaneous feeling in the family can be threatening. That order, however, is completely arbitrary and can vary from moment to moment, depending on their own feelings.
The depressed partners are full of tension, and their behavior is torture for the rest of the family. The closer to inner collapse depressed partners feel, the more they blame others for creating their problems. They accuse their partners of ruining their lives and ignoring their needs. Their partner is selfish and never tries to help. Someone else is always at fault.
At its worst, this need to blame can turn paranoid. Contempt and rejection become common. There is rebuke in every glance. At social gatherings, the depressed partners can make cutting remarks and ignore their partners while engaging happily with everyone else. At the worst, verbal abuse can even escalate to physical attacks. Trying to escape the pain of depression can lead to addictive behavior.
